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X and o they haunt me
X and o they haunt me











So I threw myself into researching the nature of these obsessive thoughts. My doctor was unfamiliar with Depersonalization disorder and online forums seemed to be filled with contradictory information. Every one hit me like a ton of bricks, hundreds of times a day, often causing outright panic attacks. I could never get used to them, never build up a tolerance. While the content varied, what the thoughts all had in common were their intensity and how frightening they were. I had thoughts about hurting myself and others and, as is most common with Depersonalization, wildly abstract ruminations on the nature of being and reality. My reflections ranged from wondering about the inherent strangeness of normal things (like my dog or a coffee cup) to considering the vastness and indifference of the universe. I know all too well how disturbing and even crippling intrusive thoughts can be. I suffered with the condition for two years and it put my studies, my career, my very life on hold. It also generates particularly intrusive thoughts about the nature of reality and existence. In 2005 I developed Depersonalization disorder, an anxiety spectrum condition that causes the sufferer to feel as if they are not real, or living in a dream. And even sleep may not provide respite, as anxiety can cause recurring nightmares. In fact, considering the wide variety of conditions contained therein, intrusive thoughts are arguably the most common symptom, ranging from the innocuous to the blasphemous, the annoying to the disturbing.īut what can be most distressing about the thoughts is not their content but their sheer persistence, from the moment you wake in the morning until you fall asleep at night. Intrusive thoughts occur across the entire spectrum of anxiety disorders.













X and o they haunt me